There was a caterpillar who waited and ate and waited and ate. He was so tired of waiting to be a butterfly like the ones he had seen flying around. He wanted it so bad. He was about to give up, when suddenly he felt a strong urge to build a cocoon. And when he woke up, he was a butterfly, like he had always dreamed.
This spoke to me a lot today. I've been so close to giving up, but I didn't. This feeling always stopped me, even before I knew what it was. I know now that it was the hidden desire to be chef. It gives me something to live for. Everyone has that one thing that they have to stay alive for, even if they don't know what it is. Find it. Strive for it. Live for it.

I swear, I'm only attracted to douche bags.

Really? You'll ask me out, but won't say your in a relationship on Facebook? But oh no, when some whore from your school says she wants to be married on Facebook, you put that up as your as you fucking can. I swear, I'm only attracted to douche bags. Wow. I can't believe this. I saw it and got so mad, I punched my wall. Which I swore I wouldn't do again, because I almost broke my hand last time. But my god, that pisses me off. Why is it the whores that get it all? They get the good guys, and turn them into douche bags. Is it because they put out? You know what, I really don't care. All I know is that they don't deserve any of it. The good girls are the ones who get screwed over, and it isn't fair. But life isn't fair.

Wow..

Nothing I ever do is good enough for you. Its my life, I'll do what I want with it. If I decide being a baker will make me happy, then I'm going to do that. Money isn't important to me. Happiness is. All I want is to be happy. My happiness isn't based on how much money I have. I'm happy because of the people I surround myself with. Maybe I wanna be a doctor, maybe I wanna be an author. I'm going to do what I want. And despite what you think, I'm going to get into college and make something of myself. I'm sorry what I do doesn't please you. But I'm not living to please you. I'm living to make myself happy. And I'm doing that by living how I am. No, I'm not a Christian. No, I don't live by societies standards. But I'm proud of the person I am, and no ones opinion is gonna change that.

Tears

I wonder why humans were made with the ability to cry. It doesn't make us healthier, or helps us in anyway. All it does is humiliate us. I hate it. I cry so easily, but only from emotional pain. Knowing I mean so little to you is killing me. I know you can do so much better than me, but I wish you would just be honest with me. I wish you wouldn't lead me on, like it seems your doing. But thats all I'm good for, right? Being a space holder why you go find a prettier, less screwed up girl to date. I wish I was worth your time. If I had a hundred shooting stars, I would still have things I want to fix about myself. Sometimes you act like you care, and other times its like all I am to you is the annoying girl who likes you. I don't know which act to believe. Never, ever lie about your feelings to anyone. You never know, you might save someones life by telling them how you feel.

Love

I don't know why I'm falling so hard for you. I doubt I mean more to you than any other girl. But I see your statuses, and wonder if you were thinking of me when you wrote them. I wonder if you ever imagine us dating, or think of me when you see a couple. Somehow, I doubt you do. I've waited two years for this chance with you, the chance to prove I'm worth your affection, and yet I feel like I'm not impressing you. For two years, I listened to you compliment and brag about other girls, while all I was to you is a friend. Do you know what that feels like? It's like spending months and months on a piece of art, and then having your idol artist tell you it's awful and then tearing it up. So not a great feeling, ya know? But this isn't anything I'm not used to. If I mean nothing more to you than the chase, then I'll just be alone. Anyone have relationship or crush problems? Wanna talk about them? I'm here. Have a good night bloggers.

Blah

So, I am extremely pissed off. Awful day. I tried to talk to the guy who has been giving me hell for the last two weeks, and he called me a selfish bitch who thinks she's perfect. Which pissed me off the the point of tears. I in no way think of myself as perfect. In fact, I think the complete opposite. Jesus, I don't know his problem. I mean, I know I broke up with him, but we only dated for like a month. And he's going around and telling people I sent him pctures of me naked, which is so far from the truth it's not even funny. I don't know why I'm so unliked. I was on the brink of tears today, and did anyone notice? Of course not. I may as well be invisible. I wish I could move somewhere where no one knows my name, or my story. I want the choice to make myself who I want, not who everyone else sees me as. After a while, the hateful words you hear ring true, even to your own ears. I want to know about your days, or problems, or whatever you wanna tell me. I will give you advice, or just be here if you need someone to talk to. And I promise not to tell anyone what you tell me. If you wanna talk privately, my email is gabi0520@gmail.com. Email me, kay? Well, see ya later bloggers.

I need sleep.

Damn nightmare. The same one, night after night. It's exhausting. You wanna know what it is? Probably not, but I'm gonna tell you anyways. I always start out with a boyfriend, a guy I don't know, but he sure is perfect. We're doing fine, and he asks me to marry him. Happy ending, right? Wrong. I'm terrified of commitment, so I say no. Every time after I say no, everything disappears. I'm left cold and alone, in a pure white space. There is nothing. Which leads me to my other fear, being completely alone. Two completely opposite fears, which pretty much leaves me screwed over. Anyway, have a great day bloggers! :D